Today Barack Obama held a Twitter town hall.  He, unfortunately, although not unexpectedly, got every question wrong.  For the sake of correction we have entered in the correct answer to each question on behalf of Barack Obama.

TWITTER: In order to reduce the deficit, what costs would you cut and what investments would you keep?

CORRECT ANSWER: "Reduce" the deficit? Even if we cut every single discretionary cost of the US Government we'd still be in deficit.  If we cut 100% of the Departments of Defense, Education, Energy, Agriculture, Justice, Labor, Commerce, Homeland Security, the Environmental Protection Agency and dozens more departments we'd still be well into deficit.  We'd have to cut every discretionary expenditure and cut "mandatory" expenditures like Social Security and Medicare by 36% just to balance the budget.  In order to actually begin paying off the debt we'd have to cut 100% of all US Federal Government expenditures.  I'd prefer not to do that because not only would I be out of a job but I'd be lynched.  As for what "investments" I'd keep, are you under the notion that the US Government has investments?  Because we don't.

TWITTER: What mistakes have you made in handling this recession and what would you do differently?

CORRECT ANSWER: Any action I make is, by definition, a mistake, unless I were to repeal all government involvement in the economy and in the lives of the people.  That is because the Government cannot improve an economy.  How in the world would that be possible?  The only thing a government can do is to stay out of the way of an economy - something in which I have done the exact opposite of.

TWITTER: Higher ed is necessary for a stronger economy, but for some middle-class Americans it’s becoming too expensive.  What can be done?

CORRECT ANSWER: Everything is becoming too expensive.  That is because the Government has been destroying the economy for decades with all its rules, regulations and taxes and the Federal Reserve has been causing prices to go up by counterfeiting trillions of dollars.  What can be done?  Get rid of the Government's involvement in the economy and end the Fed.  What else could I do?  Any money I "invest" in education I steal from someone else.  Are you asking me to steal on your behalf?

TWITTER: Mr. President, will you issue an executive order to raise the debt ceiling pursuant to Section 4 of the 14th Amendment?

CORRECT ANSWER: Are you seriously asking me if I will use my power to put you even further into debt?  You slaves are hilarious.

TWITTER: Will you focus on promoting alternative energy industries in oil states like Louisiana and Texas?

CORRECT ANSWER: If alternative energies make economic sense, free enterprise will do them.  The only reason groups like big oil can hinder alternative energy are because they buy off the Government.  Thank you, by the way, Exxon Mobile - I appreciate all the "donations".  In further response to your question, what do you mean by "promoting"?  If you mean stealing money from some people or groups and spending some of it on uneconomic ventures which destroy capital, shame on you!  What makes you think theft is OK when it is done by the state?

TWITTER: Mr. President, in several states we have seen people lose their collective bargaining rights.  Do you have a plan to rectify this?

CORRECT ANSWER: Collective bargaining "rights"?  What collective bargaining rights?  Man is born with only one right and that is the right to life, liberty and happiness - and you shouldn't need a piece of paper to tell you so, either. If you wish to join forces with other workers and try to make demands to your employer, go ahead.  But using a coercive state apparatus to make the employer act in certain ways is despicable.

TWITTER: How will admin work to help underwater homeowners who aren’t behind in payments but are trapped in homes they can’t sell?”

CORRECT ANSWER: Why is that any of my business to steal money from others and give it to people who have made poor decisions about purchasing a home?  Are all these questions simply asking/begging me to use guns to force people to do things you want to do?  Everyone who has tweeted so far are despicable people.

TWITTER: After embarking on a record spending binge that left us deeper in debt, where are the jobs?

CORRECT ANSWER: Oh, this one is easy.  You can't create productive jobs by going more into debt!  Don't be so silly!  Jobs are created by savings.

TWITTER: Small biz create jobs.  What incentives are you willing to support to improve small business growth?

CORRECT ANSWER: Another question about me stealing money from people and giving it to others (in this case, small businesses)??  Boy, the last hundred years of "democracy" has turned everyone into a crook.  To answer the question, however, the only incentive small business needs is the profit incentive.  The disincentives are all the taxes, rules and regulations imposed by the Government.

TWITTER: My question is, can you give companies a tax break if they hire an honorable discharged veteran?

CORRECT ANSWER: Again? You want me to steal from others and give to you?  I'm not Santa Claus, you know!

TWITTER: What changes to the tax system do you think are necessary to help solve the deficit problem and for the system to be fair?

CORRECT ANSWER: As I said before, the deficits are unpayable.  And the only way to make a "fair" tax system is to have no tax like the US had before 1913 and the creation of the Federal Reserve, whose inception necessitated an income tax to pay the interest to the private banks.

TWITTER: So will you raise taxes on the middle class at least to President George W. Bush levels?

CORRECT ANSWER: We have the best slaves in the world here in America!  They get the chance to get a direct answer from their oppressor and this is the question you ask?  You want me to take more from the slaves?  Who tweeted that, seriously?  Biden?  Was it Biden?  That prankster.

TWITTER: Now that the space shuttle is gone, where does America stand in space exploration?

CORRECT ANSWER: Haha, you are kidding right?  We're broke!  Not only does the space shuttle no longer exist but NASA won't exist 5 years from now.  The US dollar won't exist 5 years from now!  You people really have no idea what is going on do you?  You'll be lucky if you have food to eat in the coming few years and you are asking me about space exploration! Keep watching CNN people!