A few years ago, inspired perhaps by Bert Lahr as the Cowardly Lion singing “If I were King of the Forest” in the Wizard of Oz, or maybe by Abel Ferrara’s King of New York starring Christopher Walken, I wrote a piece called the Man Who Would Be King. In it I discussed some of my ideas on government and my ideas on royalty.

Basically I believe in democracy, but I don’t think that’s incompatible with kings. Democracy should always be based on the classical Greek idea of democracy, where the unit of government, the demos, is limited to the number of people one can actually know personally. I am convinced that eventually the Internet will allow us to create governmental structures which reflect this organizing principle. Then each unit could select a king and he could make the decisions until he fucks up. I’m not against kingship. The way our government is structured now there is not enough time for Presidents or even legislators to deal with long term projects and situations. I think we should elect kings (and women should be eligible) and then if the people vote to recall the king we simply kill him or her and install another one.

I might also mention that as O’Brien I am descended from Brian Boru the first High King of Ireland. (I’m guessing mushrooms.) And on the other side of the family I’ve got Charlemagne and the Julio-Claudians in the trees. Not that I believe in divine right. I believe in well read. Also magic. And in 1980 Jean Micheal Basquiat, 33rd degree houngan, drew a crown on the back of my jacket and called me Leroy. Anyway, here is my list of edicts and proclamations if I were king, updated. I’ll add on as I think of more.....