Almost everything is bad. Usually, really bad, and not even bad in an interesting way. Tech is no exception—if anything, tech might be the worst of the bad. The Internet? Gross. The people who use it? Ugh. And it's fine to hate it all.

If you walk out of your door during daylight you'll have to look at your feet in order not to see something horrible. And even then, you might be wearing some dumb shoes I hate, like those dumbass finger shoes. If you wear those, go to hell. Then look up, and I bet you'll see someone wearing Beats By Dre headphones. Follow him back to his apartment, and he probably has some idiot overpriced Bose sound dock that plays music just as well as something cheaper, but because he's a suggestible semi-human, he bought bulky rainbow idiot headphones and that dock. He bought them because he just wants to look cool, and feel cool, and be accepted. And he is, because everyone around him is just as dumb. Look, that girl's wearing Beats By Dre too, or maybe they're the equally bad variant churned out by a few spare neurons of 50 Cent's. Maybe she saw the same ads I see every day on the subway for Monster audio equipment. She wants something bright on her head due to some low evolutionary reflex, and anything expensive is good. That's the way things work. Expensive things are better, no how many articles we and our peers write to the contrary. If you buy the most expensive, widely advertised headphones, they'll be the best. The bigger the poster on the subway, the better the headphone. Does it have a letter on the side of it? Is it shit lime green and shiny? Is it tacky and horrible? Buy that, at Best Buy, because it's the good one.

People who buy headphones are awful.

But of course they're not alone......